Hy's Post

Hy's Post
Lower East Side

Thursday, January 12, 2012

TOMORROW'S NEWS TODAY


           

14 KILLED IN FETUS SHOOT-OUT AT LONDON AIRPORT


November 17, 2014


 London -- Fourteen people, including six Americans, were shot to death at London's Heathrow Airport yesterday afternoon when four undercover agents of the U.S. Federal Bureau of Fetus Protection attempted to arrest Mrs. Edith Morgan of Ralston, Virginia, on a charge of having left the U.S. without proper certification as to her childbearing status. 
            Four of the American victims were the federal agents, and the other two were Kentucky Congressman Paul Z. Krammer and his chief personal assistant, Linda Merritt, 24, a former Miss Kentucky. They had just arrived in London for, among other activities, a fact-finding tour of urban and rural orphanages in the British Isles.  Before departing on his trip, Congressman Krammer, chairman of the House Subcommittee on Orphans and Dependent Seniors, had told Bill O'Reilly on Fox News that the orphanages and poor houses of Charles Dickens's time had been getting "a bad rap" in recent years, and that "America could learn a heck of a lot from a no-frills custodial system that permitted Britain to get on with important affairs of state and become the preeminent superpower of its time."
            In compliance with the new constitutional amendment that bans abortion under all circumstances and protects the right to life of fetuses regardless of sex, race and religion, Mrs. Morgan, 54, like all American women between the ages of 12 and 55, claims to have been subjected to a physical exam by a board certified gynecologist of  the FBFP before being allowed to depart the U.S. for a long anticipated visit to family and friends in the UK. To prevent women from seeking abortions abroad now that they are banned at home, the law mandates the exam for female citizens both upon their departure from and then their return to the country.  The Supreme Court recently ruled 5-4 in U.S. v Lady Poo Poo that the law applies also to transsexuals and transvestites of the relevant ages.  Meanwhile, President Romney, who first proposed the new amendment while running in the 2012 primaries against long-time religion-oriented opponents, has ordered that flags be lowered to half mast at all federal buildings in the country. 
            When questioned at London's Heathrow Airport yesterday, Mrs. Morgan could not convince the four undercover agents that she had submitted to the mandatory exam that very morning at Dulles International Airport in Washington.  She added in her statement to Assistant Chief Inspector Ralph Browning of the Metropolitan Police: "It is not my fault that their computer system broke down. I never have trouble with my Apple laptop, and it's five years old, the same age as my grandson Cyril here in Puckeridge-upon-Severn."
            Mrs. Morgan alleges that when the four agents attempted to hustle her from the overseas arrivals concourse and along a corridor toward an unmarked door, she bit the hand that had been placed over her mouth and then screamed as loud as she used to cheer for President Romney but will never again do so.  Her screams had the desired effect of attracting potential rescuers, and seven of them turned out to be members of the South Yorkshire Hunting Club, just returned from a safari in Kenya.
            Their leader, retired Col. Ted Rogge-Ornsby of the Queen's First Sharpshooters, told police:  "The four thugs were very definitely abducting this poor woman, and as British gentlemen and sportsmen, my friends and I were duty bound to save her." A prominent fox hunter, Col. Rogge-Ornsby is chairman of the Royal Rifle Association, the U.K.'s counterpart to the National Rifle Association in America.
            At 10 Downing St., a spokesperson for Prime Minister David Cameron has refused to either confirm or deny the flurry of reports that he has requested President Romney to halt all surveillance by U.S. undercover fetus agents at Heathrow and also on Harley Street, where some of Britain's most prominent physicians and perhaps abortion providers are located.  He did, however, admit that Sir Trevor Shapeley, the famed gynecologist, was one day followed by American agents for well over a mile until he finally entered Buckingham Palace for his regular monthly checkup of Queen Elizabeth II. Sir Trevor assures the nation and especially the tabloid press that the queen has never been in better health and spirits.
          The names of the four U.S. agents are being withheld until their families can be informed of the tragedy. House Speaker John Boehner has arranged for them to receive a hero's funeral and then burial at Arlington National Cemetery. When informed of the tragedy, he said with a flow of tears, "Just like our G.I.s who made the supreme sacrifice on the beaches of Normandy and Okinawa, they died to save American lives. And to create more jobs. Because every American fetus has the God-given right to one day become the head of a great corporation like Microsoft or General Motors."
             Often praised as a role model for its counterpart in the U.S., the Royal Rifle Association believes that the right to bear and use arms is embedded in their unwritten Constitution that goes back to Magna Carta, and its members have petitioned the House of Lords to invoke their ancient privileges and order the police to drop all charges against the gallant sportsmen who came to the rescue of a lady in distress.  

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