Hy's Post

Hy's Post
Lower East Side

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Politics as a Sporting Event





            Though it is nowhere mentioned in my copy of The World Sports Encyclopedia, politics as practiced in America should really be included as a sport akin to baseball.  And described as a development of the gladiatorial combats to the death as practiced in ancient Rome. Rome was later acclaimed for its grandeur, usually by historians who had never been inside the Coliseum as participants, and were more familiar with plumes and pens than swords and battle axes.

            As long ago as 1938, American politics was classified as a sport by Dutch historian Johan Huizinga (1872--1945). He observed in Homo Ludens, "Long before the two-party system had reduced itself to two gigantic teams whose political differences were hardly discernible to an outsider, electioneering in America had developed into a kind of national sport." But to regard politics as a national sport should in no way be construed as a downsizing of this non-stop, year-round activity with a multi-billion budget that will be increasing astronomically, thanks to the  generous stimulus package delivered in 2010 by the Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission.

            For a century if not longer, sports in America have received far more attention from the public and the media than, for example, religion or the fine arts. When was a sermon on The Seven Deadly Sins, even by preacher-politico-Fox News guru Mike Huckabee, ever reported on the front page of all newspapers in the land? Or a revival of Palmira, Regina di Persia, my favorite neglected opera by Antonio Salieri, a contemporary and mutual admirer of Mozart and Beethoven?

            If politics is indeed a sport, and will in future presidential campaigns be so regarded, there here, as a service to journalism and the nation, is my lead of  a recent primary debate in Iowa:

            "During the final round of questions in last night's Republican Party primary debate of the seven remaining contenders in Des Moines, ABC News anchor Diane Sawyer threw Newt Gingrich a curve ball regarding school budgets that he promptly slammed out of sight for a home run toward the 2012 presidential convention in Tampa, Florida. It was a wallop for the record books, and immediately established Newt as the front runner in the no-holds-barred race to win the GOP nomination and go on to wrest back the White House from Barack Obama, the Windy City southpaw who in 2008 had come from behind to slaughter Senator John McCain and Governor Sarah Palin. Arising from the ashes of defeat, Sarah later hit the jackpot of celebrity with a historic triple play, becoming a Fox News commentator, Tea Party icon, and proud mom of perky Bristol Palin, top competitor in the TV smash Dancing with the Stars and author of the bestselling memoir, Not Afraid of Life."

            Johan Huizinga is best known for another book, The Waning of the Middle Ages. Were he alive in 2011, would he be continuing his studies of our present politics and culture, and be planning a sequel to be called The Waning of the United States of America?

           




Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Classics and Commercials




With the dumbing down of America,the most desirable quality in a manuscript, whether in prose or verse, will soon be its suitability for spin-offs of games and clothes, and films and television, and for advertising of all kinds. In time to come, if the classics are ever reprinted at all, they will certainly be edited for commercial
correctness.



To An Athlete Dying Young But in Fashion


by A. E. Housman

Bright lad, you wore your Nikes
On the day you ran your race;
You croaked far from the finish,
But you led the pack in grace.

Now the lassies, as they mourn you,
Forget your eye and its hues,
But they avow that never in Shropshire,
Did a corpse wear such fabulous shoes.



Monday, December 19, 2011

Tomorrow's News Today Feb.23, 2014

Tomorrow's News Today

February 23, 2014

Explosion Injures 66 Pupils and Destroys New School Building

Des Moines -- A boiler explosion at the George W. Bush Elementary School in the hitherto sleepy town of Amestown, Iowa, yesterday morning injured 66 pupils and totally destroyed the recently constructed building that had cost a record-breaking 14 million dollars.

While running for office in November, 2011, in a speech at Harvard University, President Newt Gingrich suggested a plan to modernize child labor laws. Included in the plan was a strong recommendation that janitorial work at the nation's schools could and should be performed by children as young as nine. They would perform their both money-saving and character-building assignments under the supervision of an adult custodian.

Yesterday morning, on his way to work on the coldest day of the year, with the temperature not expected to rise above 8 degrees, Custodian Chuck Welles, 54, suffered a stroke and then an auto accident on Hoover Avenue and was taken to Lincoln Hospital where he remains unconscious and in critical condition.

Under the circumstances, Bobby Vinter, 10, volunteered to start up the furnace, which had been shut down for the weekend in accordance with the order of popular Mayor Al Horlogger, who was fulfilling his solemn pledge to balance the municipal budget when he ran for office as a candidate of the Tea Party. Though Bobby had received an A for character and cooperation on his last four report cards, he was apparently less than proficient with the school's digitalized and state-of-the-art boiler, which proved far more complicated than the rudimentary model in his parents' single-family home at 144 Spruce Lane.

Fortunately, due to the bad weather and poor road conditions, only 66 pupils and eight teachers were as yet in the school at the time of the explosion, which was heard for miles and mistaken at first as a terrorist attack on Amestown, recently voted number 7 in USA Today's list of heartland towns and cities. The 39 children whose parents could afford to enroll in GingrichCare, the new national network of private-sector medical centers, are expected to recover eventually. President Gingrich and First Lady Callista Gingrich expressed sympathy for all the victims, regardless of the immigration status of their parents, and they also promised to pray for their swift and complete recovery. Said Vice President Michele Bachmann: "God tells me that He's watching out for the folks in Amestown, just as He did for General Benedict Arnold and his brave fighting men at Valley Forge during the war for freedom from the Russians in 1790."

Meanwhile, Mayor Horlogger has vowed to use his clout with the Tea Party and its leaders, all the way up to President Gingrich, to overrule penny-pinching Democrats and obtain a special grant of at least fifteen million dollars for the replacement of the devastated school.